Sunday, May 31, 2009

Annoying Things of the Week

These are the top five things that annoyed me this past week:

5. Love and Marriage - As if I haven't expressed enough of my distaste for such things before, here's another news article that shows how wrong love is: http://tinyurl.com/lmxvll

4. Christians - Someone shot an abortion doctor in a church. And apparently it wasn't the first time he had been shot. Gotta love those good Christian morals.

3. Horror movies - I saw Drag Me to Hell today. Overall, it was pretty good. I've read that it's really good for a horror movie. I say that because I guess I don't really know. That's a genre that I'm not that into. I was trying to think of what the last horror, or even anything close to it, movie that I saw in the theaters. I think it was The Ring. I wasn't really into it.

And the same goes for your Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, or the rest. I've seen a bunch, but the horror parts weren't all that interesting to me. Perhaps I'm only saying this now since I just saw a Sam Raimi movie, but I think my favorite horror movie is probably Evil Dead II. And with that, it's more of a comedy. I like it because its cheesy as hell and it makes me laugh. With DMtH, I liked the really cheesy things like eyes popping out of heads. They made me laugh.

Perhaps with this movie, I was able to pinpoint one of the reasons why. Perhaps I can't suspend my belief far enough to get scared. I identified with the "I'm a Mac" guy in this movie when he was talking about how the fortune tellers are scam artists. He explains the basic concept behind cold reading, much like Sylvia Brown (someone who I AM truly afraid of, but for different reasons - check out those nails! Nasty!). Bottom line after all that, though - I can recommend Drag Me to Hell - I liked it. And if you like horror movies, I think you'll like it even more than I did. However, I also saw Up this weekend. I give it an F - for Fucking Fantastic.

2. Eighth graders - Why must they wake up everyday?

1. Shoulder pain - I sleep on my stomach or on my side. Often when I sleep on my side, I begin to crush my shoulder, and it usually wakes me up. Last night it didn't right away, I guess, so I woke up with some shoulder pain. it got a bit worse as the day went on, and I could barely lift my hand past my head. It started getting better as I stretched it out, and most of the pain will probably be gone in the next day or two.

But more importantly, I learned that I can pretty much get around and do just about everything even with shoulder pain. So I know that if I ever face any damage to my shoulder, I'll be able to continue to do my job. Yes, whether the subject is history or science or English or science or P.E. or science or math or science or art or even science, I will still be able to work with shoulder pain. And yes, that makes me better than some.

So what annoyed you this week?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Sin the Beginning part 1

I. Creation

In the beginning there was nothing. Scientists, philosophers, scholars, and clergy studied everything. They looked high and low. They looked near and far. The analyzed, prayed, discussed, and wrote reports. They all came to the same conclusion. There was nothing. Most importantly, they all agreed that they didn’t exist either.

From the nothingness formed a cloud. And after the beginning there was nothing except for the cloud. The cloud began to cry. There are some sad things known to man, but ain’t too much sadder than the tears of a cloud. Sadness grew from the dark puddle. The sadness turned to rocks, which formed the mighty land mass Earth. From the land mass grew trees. The cloud had something to rain upon. The cloud grew happy, but continued to cry. These tears of joy formed a puddle of delight that spread across the Earth. These were the seas.

The trees began to suffocate and run in circles. The cloud saw that its friends, the trees, were dying. It let out a gasp of horror. This gasp became the wind, and it covered the Earth. The trees breathed the wind deep into their lungs. They lived. They were so happy to live that they planted their roots deep into the ground, never to walk again.

A single bird landed in a tree. Neither the clouds, the Earth, the darkness, the wolverines, nor the trees knew where the bird came from, as there had been nothing before them. But the bird built a nest. Soon it laid eggs, and four of the five eggs hatched. These birds were named North, South, East, and Down. They flew to the four corners of the round Earth, and the directions were named after them.

Down was attacked by one of the ice dwarfs. The fifth bird, West, finally hatched and killed the ice dwarf. West noticed that Down hadn’t actually been killed by the ice dwarf. He had simply flown straight into the ground, as this was his name. He was also not smart. The ice dwarf had been trying to revive Down. The ice dwarf, whose name was Rudolfo, had a giant father. This giant ice dwarf vowed revenge upon the birds, and clapped his hands three times. And this created the heavens. Rudolfo, who had previously been dead, asked his father not to take revenge on the birds. And this created a system of bartering.

Time passed, and the bird moved to another tree and built another nest. This time, he decided that he was lonely and wanted a wife so he could start a family. They began to pray, but soon noticed that there were no gods in the heavens. They took apart their nest and moved to the ground. The bird’s wife died of sadness. The cloud rained sadness once again, and the Earth was flooded. The bird flew again to the tops of the trees, but they were soon not high enough. The rocks began to stand upon each other and formed mountains. The bird flew to the top of these mountains to wait for the flood to end.

The ice dwarfs also ran to the mountains. They mourned their dead. When they came to the top of the mountain they met the bird. The bird and the ice dwarfs began to talk and knew that they couldn’t fight while the Earth was flooded. As soon as the ice dwarfs turned their backs, the bird attacked and killed half of the ice dwarfs. This is why birds and dwarfs of all kinds hate each other today. The blood that flowed from the veins of the dead ice dwarfs began to flow across the Earth and formed the rivers, creeks, and babbling brooks of the world.

Soon the waters descended. The ice dwarfs returned to their homes and the bird to its. But as the bird slept, it was attacked by the ice dwarf Rudolfo, whose father had been killed by the bird. Rudolfo plucked out all of feathers of the bird and planted them in the sky. The feathers began to melt. The feather vapors made their way to the heavens and began to form the gods. The ice dwarf plucked the eyes from the bird and cast them into the sky. One became the sun. The other the moon. The bird pleaded for mercy, and it was granted by Rudolfo’s father, who had previously been dead. This is why ice dwarfs and birds of all kinds live in harmony today.

II. Life

The gods were three brothers, Mitch, Ruben, and Clancy. They looked down upon the Earth and noticed that it was bare. They plucked hairs from their heads and planted them in the ground, and these became the trees. They melted the ice dwarfs and cast them across the Earth and these became the seas. But they knew that the Earth needed more. It needed life. They asked the scholars, scientists, philosophers, and clergy what to do. They agreed that the gods should create man.

The gods went to the bird and plucked a single feather and planted it in the ground. This became man, who they named Adam. The man went to the bird and plucked another feather. Adam planted it in the ground as he had been shown by the gods. This feather became man, who they named Steve. The bird then flew away, and they could get no more feathers. This is why birds and man of all kinds hate each other today. This is why they named their land Maize.

Adam and Steve lived in happiness for many years. They both had a joy in their hearts. But even though they were so gay, as hard as they tried, they could not produce another man. The gods took pity. They trimmed their toenails and planted them in one pile in the ground. This became woman, who they named Mildred. All three, Mildred, Adam, and Steve followed the directions of the gods, and soon Mildred was with child. The gods looked down and noticed that it was good. This is why parents today come in threes.


TBC...

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Annoying Things of the Week

These are the top five things that annoyed me this past week:

5. Suicide – Have you ever been stuck in a traffic jam only to find that it’s because somebody is threatening to jump off a bridge? Well, uh, me neither. But I’ve HEARD about these situations. Yeah, I understand that with suicidal people, there's a lot going on. I understand and deal with my own depression. It's probably not something that should be made fun of, but I also understand that the people who are threatening to do it but don’t are looking for attention. It’s horrible and all that crap. So don't you secretly just wish that someone would come up behind them and give a little push? That's why Lai Jiansheng is one of my new heroes.

4. Christian Bale - Several months ago, the Christian Bale rant was released on the internet. If you haven't heard it yet, do yourself a favor and take a quick listen. Enjoy. So at the time, I thought that Bale was kind of a douche nozzle - I can't exactly rant in the same way at my work - but I chose to reserve judgement. After all, what if Bale delivered a great performance in this Terminator movie? What if the guy that he's yelling at gave the movie a horrible look? I needed to see the movie first.

So quick review - Terminator: Salvation was OK. Not too bad, but nothing great. The action was pretty good. Seeing a bunch of Terminators walking around was kinda cool. The movie had a cool look to it. The dialogue was kinda crappy throughout. The only interesting character was only half human. There were a few things that were way out of place. For example, every human that wasn't part of the Resistance was a country bumpkin stereotype right out of Deliverance 2018 ("Squeal like a cyber-piggy"). With those negatives, I think the positives were able to outweigh it a bit.

But before you consider this to be much of a recommendation, I had really low expectations going in. I hope those of you who see it in the theater have someone in your theater who is an awesome as the person who was sitting behind us. There's a VERY forced "I'll Be Back" from John Connor. And immediately after that line, the fucktard behind us decided that he had to repeat the line in an awful Arnold accent. Heading out of the theater, I said that it was my favorite part of the movie. Looking back, I still agree. It was the most memorable moments.

And then there was Christian Bale. Christian Bale was rather... crappy. He hit one note throughout the movie, and that note was "Angry Because I Have To Take a Dump." It's been awhile since I watched T2 or T3, but he didn't seem like an adult version of the John Connor from those movies. The disappointing thing is that the only credibility that this movie has was Bale. It certainly wasn't hack director (Charlie's Angels) McG. After relistening to the rant, it wa during a scene with Bryce Dallas Howard (and I believe that her only part in the script was to open her eyes really big). Since all of his scenes had the same out of place intensity, I have no idea what the scene was. But since the movie looked better than Bale's acting, I declare the following. One point: Shane Hurlbut. One douche: Christian Bale.

3. Voting – Democracy is not always the most perfect system, but it’s better than the rest of the alternates. The founding fathers talked about the tyranny of the majority, in which they believed that true democracy wouldn’t work because the minority would always be oppressed. Not what I was going to discuss here, but for some bizarre reason, I felt the need to let my loyal readers know that.

We had an election here in our school district this past week. It was for a $99 parcel tax, which would have generated about $7 million per year. It was much needed in the current climate, but it faced too many obstacles. One was that it was on a ballot filled with other taxes to help California lawmakers make easier decisions. Because of that, it was easy for many to start voting NO and just continue on through. Another is that many objected to recent mismanagement of money in our district, and were reluctant to hand them even more money. In the end, it failed with “only” 58% of the vote. Yes, the majority wasn’t enough, since it needed 2/3 to pass.

But that’s not what I’m annoyed with here. The voter turnout: 28.73%. But it’s all OK, because that same night American Idol had almost 100 million votes.

2. Eighth Graders – They pick their scabs and eat them.

1. Torture – About a month ago, Sean Hannity said on his show that he would be willing to undergo waterboarding for charity. Keith Olberman picked up on it and offered $1000 per second to the charity of Hannity's choosing. This site picked that up and ran with it. Of course, since Sean Hannity isn't a real person but is nothing more than a character on TV, it never happened. Last Friday, radio host Mancow went through with it.

Both Hannity and Mancow, as well as every other conservative talk show host, have been defending torture. They have been going with the Bush title of "enhanced interrogation" instead, and have talked about how waterboarding isn't torture. Because, of course, we don't torture. Of course, they were ignoring every single person who has been through it, for one reason or another, who have said that it's torture.

So what did Mancow have to say of his experience? Here's the video if you want to check it out for yourself. While the average person lasts about 14 seconds, Mancow lasted about 6. His (now more informed) decision: "Absolutely Torture." Olberman followed through by giving $10,000 to Veterans of Valor. And his final word to Sean Hannity: "You, sir, are now unnecessary."

So what annoyed you this week?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Annoying addition

I posted too quickly. How about we replace number three with "conversations at urinals with strangers.". Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Annoying things of the week

Because I'm out of town this weekend and I have to do this with my Blackberry, this is the really short version. I'll be back next week with a vengeance.

5. Buttons - The buttons on this thing are tiny, and it's difficult to type.

4. Clothes - Last year I bought a suit. I knew that I had a few weddings other functions to attend, so it seemed like a good investment. Then moths ate my pants (quoteboard?). Today I got ready to get dressed for this wedding only to discover that my tie is falling apart. I didn't even know that they did that. All cheap clothes from now on.

3. Distances - It's a long drive from the Bay Area, and I have to do it again tomorrow.

2. Eighth graders - I haven't found a purpose for them yet.

1. Filler - Pretty lame when people are in a hurry and they fill in stuff. Lame.

So what annoyed you this week?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Annoying Things of the Week

These are the top five things that annoyed me this past week:

5. Reading – Something I enjoy about MySpace profiles is that people get to declare that they are stupid. The MySpace template offers the opportunity to list your favorite books. I always enjoy coming across the profile that lists something along the lines of “I hate reading.” Or better yet, “I hate fucken reading.” Translation: You’re stupid. Wait – allow me to rewrite that in a way that a non reader might understand: Your stupid.

4. Trekkers – Even if the series was retconned, I refuse to retcon the name of Star Trek nerds. They will always be Trekkies.
I am not a Trekkie. I have only seen a handful of episodes of the original series, and probably less than five of TNG. I’ve seen most of the movies, though I don’t think I’ve seen any more than once (though I think I’ve seen IV in enough clips and pieces to count as another time). And even though I’m not a Trekkie, the geek in me still has a decent knowledge of Star Trek basics. I believeit was Lance who once gave the best reason not to like Star Trek, in that their solutions would often come down to some sort of science type thing that they writers would invent just to get them out of the jam.
So the new movie? I liked it quite a bit. I thought it did a really great job of bringing in new viewers. You didn’t have to know a lot about the original to enjoy this. From what Trekkie knowledge I do have, there seemed to be enough to reward fans of the original stuff. With the exception of the monster scene that I mentioned a couple weeks back, the use of CGI was excellent – we didn’t have the big “look at what we can do with our computers!” shot. Now this was only the fifth movie that I’ve seen this year, but it was by far the best, and I’m sure Star Trek will find a place on my year end list.

3. Mustard – First, read the article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/07/hannity-attacks-obama-for_n_198851.html Sean Hannity makes a big deal about Obama ordering spicy or Dijon mustard. Here’s the deal. After watching the clip, there IS something about which to bust Obama, but it’s not his mustard. After all, Dijon mustard is pretty tasty. It’s the fact that Obama orders his burger Medium Well. Freakin’ nasty, cooking the flavor out like that. But I have a feeling that Hannity doesn’t call him out on that because he probably likes his burgers well done. Just a hunch.

2. Eighth Graders – Worthless.

1. Free stuff – Normally, free stuff is good stuff. But KFC offered free grilled chicken last week. And they offered it on Oprah. And to their apparent surprise, the campaign worked. Millions of people printed the coupon from the internet and went to their local KFC, only to discover long lines of people waiting to redeem the same coupon. So KFC had to pull the plug on their promotion.
I have to wonder if the people running this promotion were stupid or idiots. Didn’t they see the success of the Denny’s free Grand Slam? Haven’t they been near a Baskin Robbins on free scoop day? Guess what? My initial hypothesis, free stuff is good stuff, is shared by many. And then to go ahead and promote it on Oprah. Not only do people watch Oprah (her cult is strong), but I have a feeling that the people who watch Oprah are KFC fans. Just a hunch here. I don’t know enough about the details of the coupon (reason ahead), but it seems as if they should have learned from the previous instances and either required some kind of purchase (perhaps a beverage) or limited it to one day of crazy.
My history of KFC is pretty simple. Every few years, I see another KFC commercial and I start to think, for some stupid reason, that it looks good. I head down and get some chicken. I almost immediately remember how nasty it is, then several bites later I feel nauseous, which lasts for quite some time afterward. I refuse to go back ever again, through the thoughts of their tasty biscuits linger in my head until a few years later when I see another commercial. I’m only about three months into the new cycle, having apparently received head trauma and therefore amnesia earlier this year, so I didn’t choose to download the coupon for myself. (after typing this, I learned that El Pollo Loco is accepting the coupons – smart, smart, smart, smart, smart)

So what annoyed you this week?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Well, well, well

I don't know why, but this is the funniest damn thing ever. EVER!


Sunday, May 3, 2009

Annoying Things of the Week

These are the top five things that annoyed me this past week:

5. Standardized Tests – Complete waste of energy, time, and money. The people who are in charge of this crap can eat all the dicks.

4. Swine Flu – Oh my god! This thing is so dangerous! Thousands of people have been killed! Millions have it! It’s so much worse that the regular flu! AHHHHHHH!! I should now take a couple minutes to do some internet research so that I can find out when I will die! Be right back! (thirty seconds later) So less that 1000 people in the world have it? And only 20 people have died? And over 30,000 people per year die from the regular flu in the United States alone? Well fuck! I’m so glad I received an email from someone at Concord High with the following (pasted for accuracy) phrases: “Shore Acress is closing for 2 weeks because one of their students is sick, CONFIRMED SWINE FLU!!” All caps and two exclamation marks. That’s serious shit. Good thing we were also told: “IT's getting closer!!! “ Three exclamation marks! Clearly, it’s time that we all crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside.

3. Free internet games –I just started playing this game Civony, which is Age of Empires online. So now I, of course, have to go keep my laptop right next to me so that I can check it every once in a while. Don’t they know that I have no self control?

2. Eighth Graders - Will they never end?

1. Lost – The problem with Lost was the third season. At the end of the second season, there were millions of unanswered questions. Then the third season started and nothing happened. They weren’t revealing any answers. There were creating new, yet not interesting, questions. The plot was dragging. Then the best possible thing happened. The producers negotiated the end of the series. This meant that they could start toward the end, which meant moving the plot forward and answering questions. The third season ending was absolutely amazing, and the show has been incredible ever since.
So what’s the problem? Why am I annoyed by Lost? You see, lots of people stopped watching in the third season. Those of little faith are missing out on some incredible TV. So in that vain, I have stayed with Heroes. My reward has been a crap sandwich. Granted, the sandwich has some tasty mustard on it, and the bread is fresh. But that doesn’t make the crap any better. I was reluctant to drop out of Heroes during this third season.
I think part of the problem with Heroes now was set up with one of the best parts of Season 1. There was an awesome cliffhangeresque/twistlike moment at the end of one of the early episodes. Future Hiro visited Peter on the subway. We saw this totally awesome, kickass version of Hiro. He seemed to know Peter. I think I made a similar assumption to others at that point in that all of the heroes would continue to evolve, learn and develop their powers, and become superheroes. Then they would become some kind of JLA/Avengers type super team. That would mean that the show had a direction and a plan. It turns out that it wasn’t the case in any way. The characters remain no better with their powers, but more importantly, NO SMARTER than they were in the first season. And what could have been a cool fight shown BEHIND CLOSED DOORS? Fucking lame. At least the Battlestar Galactica finale pulled in some dollars for its fights.

So what annoyed you this week?