Sunday, February 7, 2010

Annoying Things of the Week

These are the things that annoyed me this week*.

5. The Star Spangled Banner - It's Super Bowl Sunday, which means that instead of all of the lame pregame activities going on in the background, we have to get to watch the festivities. This means we're going to be subjected to someone famous belting out their shitty version of our Anthem. I have no idea which Grammy winning abortion is crooning this year's Anthem, but I have a feeling that they've spent a little too much time over the past few weeks listening to Whitney Houston's horrific version.

Now I'm not annoyed for patriotic reasons. I'd prefer to skip the whole thing together. Along with our misleading and inaccurate Pledge of Allegiance, I'd rather we get rid of the whole flag worship and concentrate on making the promise real for everyone. I generally skip the Pledge in the morning because I have first period prep. While I'm in a classroom, though, I'll mumble select parts of it that I'm interested in. It pretty much consists of me saying "Liberty and Justice" and that's about it.

But the Star Spangled Banner has become somewhere between a funeral dirge and a Barry White tune. Sorry, but it's not a song to which I'm interested in getting it on. I'll save that for the flag hugging right wingers. I can imagine McCain telling his wife that "No need for the blue pill tonight!" right after listening to the Anthem. But let's pick up the tempo on that thing and get rid of the runs that show off the majesty of your digitally altered voice. How about we keep it under three minutes? And another thing. The song is in 3/4. Don't change it to 4/4 just to make it sound hip.

4. Inmates Dancing - Many of us saw video of the inmates dancing to Thriller. And about a week ago we got some fantastic news - they were back with more Michael Jackson dancing goodness! Ummm... they're inmates. I don't want to see them do anything except sit in their cells and rot or quietly rehabilitate themselves so that they can be productive (or at least nondestructive) members of society if and when they get out of prison. This is a fascination that I can't comprehend on any level.

3. Jury Duty - Well - look who decided that he didn't have to go to jury duty. "I'm the President and have to give a speech, so I'm not going. Blah blah wah." He should have been right by his phone at 5 o'clock dialing that number to see if he had to get his butt down to the courthouse like the rest of us. I have a feeling he might have been excused. But still - do your civic duty.

I had jury duty scheduled for December 31 of last year. I was worried that I would have to go since I was in group one, but the phone call told me that I didn't have to go. Speaking of phone call, why isn't that on the internet now? How hard is that?

I've only had to go to the courthouse once for jury duty. Every other time my phone call told me to call back the next day or stay home. The one time I did I sat around for most of the day until we were called in to the courtroom. They started jury selection, then told us to go home and come back the next day. I returned, and after a couple hours I was next. The conversation went a little something like this.

"What is your profession?"

"I'm a teacher."

"What do you teach?"

"U.S. History."

"Does that involve the Constitution? Do you teach the Constitution?"


"We'd like to excuse Mr. Harris."

The End.

2. Eighth Graders - I don't understand why they exist.

1. Pants on the Ground - Usually, I have no problem with pants being on the ground. In many cases, I encourage it. We, as a society, are wearing too much pants. But enough with the American Idol "next phenominon "crap.

This isn't a new rant by any means. Plenty of people repeat the same thing every January when it returns to the air. We're making fun of the mentally challenged as a nation. While that might sound like I'm trying to be funny by using that phrase, mentally challenged, but it's accurate. These people who we like to laugh at have problems. For many of them, they are simply socially awkward. For many others, they don't have a connection with reality.

One thing I certainly don't want to do is jump on Sarah Palin's ban the R-word band wagon. I almost want to use the word retarded even more just because of her. I probably use it much more often now than I used to thanks to Adam Carolla and his usage of it. And also, I have my American Idol make-fun-of-ness weakness. There's always an occasion to bust out some William Hung.

And then again, that's where it really started, isn't it? Yeah, there were plenty of people on the show that we as a nation made fun of while it was on. But Hung was the one where Fox sold the show on him and him alone. Commercials told you that you HAD to watch the episode just to see... what you were already seeing in the commercials. And Pants on the Ground was the same thing.

And I think where I draw the line is when it becomes a national thing. I feel my own hypocrisy when I sit to watch something like that on my own. Or when it's a private joke. A racist or sexist or whatever other offensive joke among friends isn't such a bad thing, especially because the people you're doing it with know that you don't really feel that way. But when we do it as a society, you know that a lot of people don't consider it a joke - they're serious about that thing.

I know this particular rant has been all over the place an inconsistent, but I'm getting to my real point. Why did Brett Favre really lose the championship game? payback for singing Pants on the Ground in the locker room.

So what annoyed you this week?

*If it seems like a few of these are a bit out of date, they actually annoyed me last week. I just didn't finish writing it and decided to wait until this week. So it's really Annoying Things of the Past Two Weeks. #2 counts for both weeks.


Lance Christian Johnson said...

The "Pants on the Ground" phenomenon didn't interest me until it spawned this.

Kirsti said...

What annoyed me this week? How about something that annoys me every week...people who use the word "retarded". It's time for people to expand their vocabulary.

Kaboom32 said...

Unless it's Rush Limbaugh, of course.