Could it be... Satan?

According to THIS story, man first made fire almost 800,000 years ago. Clearly, this story is the work of Satan. Since the world is barely 6000 years old, there's no way that this story could be true. In class last week, we talked about how Benjamin Franklin was 81-years-old at the time of the Constitution convention. I told them how his age was relatively older than it would be now, since life expectancy has gone up. But a student said that she thought people used to live to be 200 years old. Clearly when I corrected her, I was doing the work of Satan. While I was prepping for tomorrow, I turned on The 40-Year-Old Virgin in the background. Just a few minutes ago, they played a commercial for some Christian Music. Whose idea was the selection of this particular time slot for that commercial? Clearly, once again, Satan. The end times must be near. Just like they have been for the past 2000 years.