Thursday, October 29, 2009

Scott C. Harris Vs Scott C. Harris, the Strangest Foe of All Time...

Don't read my blog if you don't like narcissistic behavior.

For this blog, I decided to interview the most awesome person in the world, me.
Hey. If Clinton's would-be assassin can do it, so can I.

Me: Ummm.. Hey.
Me: What's up?
Me: Just writing a little blog here.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Me: This interview really needs a soundtrack.
Me: I think I'm right. Open THIS in another tab and listen while reading.
Me: That should be good for a couple minutes.
Me: Actually, it's a minute 40.
Me: Yeah, but there might be an advertisement for the first 20 seconds.
Me: And then the music doesn't even start for like 30 seconds.
Me: True. Let's talk about the music.
Me: That is, quite possibly, one of the worst songs ever.
Me: Agreed. And I think this proves it. Nothing says shitty song like Cartman singing it, I know?
Me: Yeah. I know. But those lyrics. How about this one? "Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun." What does that MEAN?
Me: Using this logic, can't someone pick pretty much anything and take away its primary element and it sounds deep?
Me: I mean like "Soccer is not the same without a ball."
Me: Yeah, but soccer sucks.
Me: True, but totally not the point. How about "Smoking is not the same without a cigarette."
Me: Or "Sex is not the same without two golf clubs and a mini bagel."
Me: Let's choose to pretend that never happened.
Me: What happened?
Me: That Lady Gaga song, I think.
Me: Oh yeah. The lyrics.
Me: I don't know if I can really make fun of the gun lyric in a song where "Mum mum mum mah" is a real lyrics.
Me: Isn't that a Muppet Show song?
Me: Close enough, but that song is actually much more clever than any kind of Poker Face.
Me: All right, let's move on to the next question.
Me: Hey! Who'd doing the interviewing here.
Me: I am.
Me: Oh. OK.
Me: So what's going on with Blog-a-day month?
Me: We're winding down here. As usual, I'm in the lead.
Me: But wasn't my victory declared before the month even started?
Me: Yes, but it was likely conditional.
Me: On what conditions?
Me: I probably have to blog everyday. But even that isn't necessary.
Me: Yeah, I will pretty much win anyway, don't I think.
Me: I know.
Me: Me too.
Me: So tomorrow is Halloween.
Me: Isn't tomorrow the 30th?
Me: Yes.
Me: And isn't Halloween on the 31st?
Me: So am I wrong when I just stated that tomorrow is Halloween?
Me: Yes, but no. Since Halloween is on a weekend, all the little kiddies dress up at school on Friday.
Me: Does that mean they dress up twice?
Me: Don't know, don't care.
Me: Me neither.
Me: So am I dressing up?
Me: I'm getting dressed. Didn't I just read my nudity blog the other day?
Me: Yes, I did. I read it while I wrote it.
Me: So then I know that I'm not going naked. But clearly that's not what I meant.
Me: I will not be dressing in a costume this year. It's been a few years since I have.
Me: The last time I was Clark Kent just starting to change into Superman.
Me: Since Superman moves so quickly, clearly that was just a fraction of time I was representing.
Me: Yes, it was. And so many kids didn't get it.
Me: Didn't get the fraction of time?
Me: No. The whole costume. They couldn't figure out what it was.
Me: That's because kids are dumb.
Me: Yes. Yes they are.
Me: So no costume this year because that smacks of effort.
Me: I think I'm going to count the number of times that kids ask me, "Where's your costume?"
Me: I do realize that normal people would consider that a rhetorical/sarcastic question.
Me: Yes, I do. But I think a bunch of these kids really think that I have one somewhere but I'm choosing not to wear it.
Me: That sounds logical. So I think that's going to be my smart ass answer. I'm going to tell them that my costume is hiding.
Me: Maybe if they find it I'll give them a prize.
Me: I think that will be my stock answer tomorrow.
Me: Good thinking.
Me: What about kids who might read this blog? Could that change the tally.
Me: Kids don't read.
Me: I'm right.
Me: That's right I am.
Me: Moving along, what movies am I looking forward to seeing soon?
Me: A Serious Man is opening at CineArts this weekend.
Me: That's the new Cohen Brothers movie. The trailer looks interesting.
Me: But I won't be home this weekend. I might have to catch it after work next week or next weekend.
Me: I'm mildly interested in The Damn United, also opening at CineArts.
Me: I'll catch that if it sticks around long enough, but it isn't a priority.
Me: And the Men Who Stare At Goats looks pretty good.
Me: I'm not sure when that opens, but it has potential.
Me: Yeah, but a lot of movies I've seen this year have had potential.
Me: I'm right. I've been disappointed by a lot of movies that have been goodish, but not really great.
Me: True. I'll write about several of them in December.
Me: Any other movies?
Me: New Moon, of course.
Me: No.
Me: What about the Michael Jackson movie?
Me: If I wouldn't pay to see it when he was alive, him being dead won't change anything.
Me: How about 2012?
Me: F that S.
Me: Exactly.
Me: All right, so I'm winding this down now.
Me: Yes, I am.
Me: Let's see if there's anything I want to add before I end my interview.
Me: I just want to add that I have two days left of vegetarian eating.
Me: It hasn't been nearly as difficult as I thought.
Me: No, it hasn't. And I've found a few new cool foods to eat.
Me: That's right. Last night I made a kick ass pumpkin soup.
Me: Yep. It was awesome.
Me: So I heard a rumor that staying vegetarian on the 31st is optional since some months only have 30 days.
Me: Or something like that.
Me: Yeah, that's for the weak. Clearly, that was written as someone's concession speech since they came in second place in Namaste It! I won again.
Me: That's two for two this month.
Me: And I can't forget the Stan Lee Challenge!
Me: Yes, I'm obviously going to win that, as well.
Me: I'm surprised about that one, since I thought it would be more difficult than it was.
Me: I think I came up with a few clever titles that worked nicely.
Me: Yes, I did.
Me: So three for three. I won Blog-a-day month, Namaste It!, and the Stan Lee Challenge. That's amazing.
Me: Not really. It's expected.
Me: I'm right. I knew I would be victorious.
Me: And next month's Haiku-a-day month already has my name inscribed on the trophy.
Me: There's a trophy?
Me: The proverbial trophy.
Me: There's a trophy for proverbs?
Me: No.
Me: I didn't think there were any proverbs about a trophy either.
Me: Cram it.
Me: So there we have it. Let the cramming begin.


Andrew Nolan said...

After this train wreck, you've fallen to a distant third place. You were already in third, but now it's a DISTANT third.

Lance Christian Johnson said...

You also ate fish during Namaste It! My eating meat on the 31st won't put you in the lead.

Kaboom32 said...

While I originally thought that would be necessary, staying vegetarian proved to be easy. No fish. Win = me.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!